"Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails."

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

Have you ever taken the time to look back at all that has happened and realized how things fit together to get you where you are today? We make so many of our own plans but the Lord's plans for us will always triumph over our own. Steve and I have especially been seeing this lately.

Although it was heart-wrenching that I've never gotten pregnant, in a way I'm thankful because if we had a child biologically, who knows if we ever would have pursued adoption. This experience has been incredible. I really can't describe in words how much I'm in awe when I think about what God is doing for us. To think that he cares so deeply about us that he made all these things happen in our lives and the expectant mother's (EM) life so that we could be connected with each other is just amazing.

I really feel like we're supposed to share this as a testimony. Again, I can't share every detail because we want to respect the EM's privacy. So please don't ask what her name is, what her "story" is, etc. What I do want to share with you is how much of a blessing she has been to us. She is a Christian and therefore wants a Christian couple to raise her child. It amazes me how selfless she is. She is not doing this for herself; she truly wants the best for her baby and is confident that me and Steve are supposed to raise him. I say it that way because she has told us  that she prayed and sought God's guidance in all of this and really feels like God wants us to raise her child. She wants to bless a couple and help make their family complete. After talking with her about what we've all been experiencing, it's clear that God has given us both signs and reminders that we're on the right path. It's enough to give me goosebumps! Just look at the miracle that can happen when you're letting the Holy Spirit guide your decisions!

The EM has been so gracious to us. I can't even imagine what it's like to decide to place your baby for adoption. But here she is, letting God work through her, and even taking our feelings and situation into consideration. Knowing we haven't gone through pregnancy on our own, she wants us to be involved and get to experience things with her. She invited us to her 20 week ultrasound that was last week. It was amazing seeing the baby move, seeing his spine, hands, feet and adorable profile. I think what got me the most was at the end when the ultrasound tech had a profile image up of the baby and we saw him yawn! I had tears coming out and was trying so hard not to start sobbing. She let us keep all of the ultrasound photos. She even wants the doctors to put the baby on my chest as soon as he is born so we can start instantly bonding.

After the ultrasound appointment we went to dinner and even stayed talking for quite a while after we were done eating. We feel like we really click with her. She is so easy to talk to, so honest and open. I wish I could express to her how much it means to us all she is doing. I certainly will try, but words will never be enough. She is such a remarkable woman and I have so much respect for her; and not just because she wants us to raise her son, but because of the person she is. Because of how she trusts the Lord to guide her.

We'll be going to the next ultrasound appointment on June 1st. I'm really looking forward to seeing the baby and EM again so we can continue to grow our relationship.

Please continue to pray for us in this journey. Be sure to include the EM in your prayers as well. We are so grateful for your prayers, love and support! And I challenge you this week to actively notice what God is doing in your life. You will be amazed if you just take time to soak it in!

It's a Match!

As most of you already know, we've been matched with an expectant mother (aka EM)! This means that the mother picked us to parent her child and we also agree that we want to work with her. What an amazing feeling it was getting the call that someone I never met has chosen US to hand her child to and love and take care of the rest of his life!

Throughout this whole particular situation, God has made it so incredibly clear that his hand is in this. In order to respect the privacy of the EM, I won't divulge every single detail. All I can say is there are no coincidences, just his master plan!

This adoption lead came to us through networking and was very unexpected. Our friends are close friends with another couple who we met through them. The girl's mother is a legal assistant for an adoption attorney. They told her about me and Steve's hopes to adopt and a couple months later that adoption attorney was approached by another attorney who has a client looking to make an adoption plan. They didn't have any active clients on file already who met the EM's requirements so the legal assistant thought of us and reached out. And wow are we sure glad she did reach out to us! The EM's requirements were that the adoptive parents be Christians who are active in their faith and church, are childless, and married at least 5 years. She also had common interests that Steve and I share. 

The next day, we dropped off our profile book to the legal assistant and it was shown to the EM that following Wednesday. I was so anxious on Wed and into Thursday until we finally got a call - the EM chose us! She looked at the profiles of 6 couples and chose us! I was at work when I got the call and went into an empty office to take the call. Emotions overwhelmed me. I started crying, my heart was racing, and so many thoughts going through my head! Then I got to call Steve and give him the news. We are just both thrilled and are in amazement. We thought we'd end up waiting 2-3 years so this happened sooner than we thought it would! 

Things have been moving quickly since then. Lots of things to get in place and lots of paperwork. We got to speak to the EM on the phone that following Monday night and just met her for the first time in person tonight. Things feel more real with each step! I'll write a separate post with more info :-)

So thankful for all the people involved in helping us to make this connection! You know who you are!

To the Woman Hoping for a Child During the Holidays

To the Woman Hoping for a Child During the Holidays

I know your pain. I know that with each passing year you get more worried whether or not you’ll actually end up having children. I know how it feels to not be part of the ‘mom club’ during holiday gatherings. Of course your loved ones always make you feel involved but it’s still not quite the same as if you had one of your own to run around with their cousins. Your heart is torn because while you enjoy the silent night peacefully snuggled with your hubby, your heart longs to hear the pitter patter of little feet and sounds of laughter as you chase your child around the house. I know the conflicted feelings you get when a friend or family member announces a pregnancy; you are overwhelmed with joy for them and are so happy you’ll have another baby in your life to love on, but it’s also a reminder that you still don’t have your own. I know that awkward feeling you get when you feel people pity you, even though you know deep down it’s not pity, it’s just them loving you and wanting to see your dreams fulfilled.

I know how annoyed you get when people complain about their kids and you just want to shout “At least you have a child!” I also know how annoyed you get when people say “Are you sure you want one?” joking around when their child is misbehaving, or when people say “Do you want mine?” NO. No, I don’t. I want my own!

And while we love that our families are supportive and try to make us feel better, sometimes there’s just not anything that anyone can say.

That is why we need to shift our eyes above to the ultimate Comforter, Healer, and Prince of Peace. We need to immerse ourselves in His love. Jesus is the only one who can fill our hearts completely. He knows the desires of our hearts and wants to grant us His peace. We only need to ask for it and believe it. We need to ask for His guidance and for Him to reveal His will for us while we thankfully wait for His blessings. Why? Because His timing is perfect. His will is perfect. Even if His will does not include children of our own. If we ask him to reveal His will for us and help us to accept His will, and still vow to serve Him, He will bless us in other ways we can’t even imagine. So let’s not give up hope for our waiting is not wasteful. He is working in our lives every day, building perseverance and character in us. If we can show others that we still have faith and love Jesus even when we’re going through difficult times, oh what a testimony that is!

Most of the time I’m fine…most of the time. But the holidays tougher. I know in my heart God called my husband and I to begin this adoption journey. I just have to keep reminding myself that He is present with us on this journey and has a perfect plan for our lives.

I wish you joy and peace over the holidays, especially if you are waiting to be blessed with a child. Remember to spend this waiting period wisely – in prayer and seeking God’s will for your life.

Sincerely,

A Hopeful Waiting Parent Who Understands

It's Getting Real!

Quick update!

Thankfully, the agency thought our adoption profile draft was wonderful and I only had to make a couple minor edits! I just ordered the physical copies to be sent to their office, which they'll receive next week. We now officially have entered the waiting period, woo hoo! After talking about having a child for so long I can't believe we finally got to this point. EEEEEEEK!!!! I'm so excited and nervous at the same time, mostly due to not knowing WHEN it will happen. But no matter how quick or long it takes, it will be perfect in God's time.

I am excited to be able to do our baby registry but I think it's a bit early for that...settle down, Melissa! :-)

Home Study and Adoption Profile Update

Hi Family and Friends!
Well, we are trucking right along with the adoption process. We had our final home study visit on August 25th and it went really well. This time the case worker finished asking Steve questions she had for him and did a walk-through of our house. It was much less a big deal than I thought it would be. I thought she was going to have to look in closets and drawers and all, but she didn't. So at least we still got to keep some of our privacy :-) During the visit we also found out that we need to have a will completed before we adopt. We of course expected to do that once we had a child but I guess we'll need to get on that next! 

We have been working on our adoption profile (click here for a reminder of what that is). It has been no small feat! HOURS AND HOURS were spent on crafting the letter to the expectant mother along with setting up a profile photo album using the Shutterfly website. I don't know how people create photo albums online for fun...what a pain in the butt getting everything laid out how I wanted it! It's pretty nerve racking trying to decide what you want to say to a mother as a prospective adoptive parent and find all the right photos that really tell the story of your life when you only have limited space to do so. So, what do we do? We pray for guidance. And God has definitely been helping with the whole process. Thank goodness, because we can't get through it without him! 

I just sent a draft of our profile album to the adoption agency. We're hoping we're on the right track. I'm worried they'll say we have too much narrative event though we tried to cut it down and it still might be too much, but I really hope not! It's hard to be picky with what to say because you want to make the best impression and make sure you're not leaving out anything that a birth mother could potentially connect with (no pressure!). Hopefully the agency will send feedback soon. As soon as the profile is 'approved' and copies are ordered, then we're officially ready to be matched. Keep in mind, it could take a couple years to get matched but at least we're getting closer! If you need a refresher on the adoption process and the lingo I'm using, refer back to my earlier blog post.

We'll let everyone know when our profile is final and in the hands of the agency. On a quick note, I want to thank all of our friends and family for being so supportive and always willing to lend an ear! It means a lot that you are so interested in learning about what we're going through! Love ya's!

About Our 1st Home Study Visit

So, a lot of you have been wondering how things went with our first home study visit this past Sunday. The important thing to know is that everything went well! At the end of the visit, the case worker said she doesn't see any reason why we wouldn't be approved but she can't officially say we're approved until after the 2nd visit. 

This visit ended up being 3 hours. First she explained some things and asked if we had any questions. Before the next visit, we need to take an online open infant adoption course and read up on trans-racial adoptions to learn more about challenges children face with that since we indicated that we're open to adopting a child of any race. We also need to think a bit more about some other things, like age range of the child we want to adopt. Turns out that without doing the waiting child program (which is adopting from the foster system), you can still end up adopting a child of any range as part of the program we're doing as long as they aren't in the foster system. The case worker gave us an example where a mother could walk into their office and say she feels like she isn't being a good parent to her 5 y/o child and wants to give her child a better life with another family.

Then the rest of time was her interviewing us, which mostly consisted of elaborating on how we answered things in all the forms we filled out. Many people don't realize how invasive the adoption process is. They really look into every aspect of your life and what your childhood was like. Here some examples:

• What are your mother and father like, how were you raised, disciplined. Did either of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs, what was the atmosphere of your home life, etc
• Has anyone in your family ever abused legal or illegal drugs, been physically or sexually assaulted - check off all that apply. Then in the choices it doesn't just list immediate family but even asks about aunts, uncles, and cousins!!!
• Who are your siblings, what do they do for a living, how many kids they have, are they married, etc
• Then there's the typical questions you'd expect - what makes your marriage strong, what kind of parent do you think your spouse will be, what are your child care plans if you both work, who will be the guardian of your child if anything happens to you, etc.

That is just a VERY small sampling of things we have to disclose. So the conversation isn't always comfortable. I had to talk about some things that I didn't really want to talk about, like my struggles with anxiety for one. Fortunately, I can honestly say I'm doing much much better in that area! Needless to say, I was mentally tired after this visit was over! 

Steve has to check his work schedule before we make our next visit appointment with the case worker. Stay tuned on the date for that. The next visit should be much easier because it will mostly be her doing a walk-through of the house/yard, talking about our health insurance, updating our financial statement if needed, and answering any questions we have about the online course and anything else we studied. 

One down, one more to go!
 

First Home Study Visit is Scheduled

Now that our home study packet has been mailed in, a case worker will conduct two visits to our home as part of the home study process. We just scheduled our first visit for Sunday, June 26th at 1pm. We were told it will last about 2 hours. We're excited that the process continues to move along! 

I get a lot of questions from family and friends asking what the home visit is for and wanted to share this link I found helpful to give you a better idea: http://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2013/preparing-for-a-home-study-what-you-need-to-know

Please be praying that our visits go smoothly and no major corrections need to be made to our house in terms of safety hazards, etc. Also please pray for wisdom, guidance, and integrity as we are interviewed. 

We love you all and the support you're showing!